Game Reviews

Strip the internet of all the pornography, box cat videos, and idiotic Facebook status updates and you're pretty much left with one thing: lots and lots of "Who would win" forum threads. From what I can tell, the only thing more universally appealing than conflict is conflict that's extremely unlikely or altogether impossible -- like we're hard-wired to argue about whether a bear could take a shark or something. Even the most recent Fight Night sported an imaginary bout between Muhammed Ali and Mike Tyson on its cover.

Someone at Spike TV clearly understands mankind's need for far-fetched bloodsport, because Deadliest Warrior: The Game (and the television show that inspired it) taps right into the spirit of "this vs. that" internet discussions. Ever wonder what would happen if a Spartan hoplite went toe-to-toe with a ninja? What about an Apache warrior against a medieval knight? Deadliest Warrior takes those questions and answers them with a fighting game that's one part Soul Calibur, one part Bushido Blade, and almost entirely too generic for its own good.

Nearly all of the game's eight characters are completely devoid of personality -- save for maybe the pirate, who looks like he's buckled some serious swash in his day. Aside from that sole, booty-plundering exception, however, each combatant in Deadliest Warrior conjures up memories of the crappy, off-brand merchandise you might find in a drug store toy aisle. Couple uninteresting character design with the fact that none of these guys have an actual name (the Viking is known simply as "Viking," for example) and you've got a roster of lifeless nobodies -- quite the feat when the entire game focuses on history's greatest badasses.

The combat itself is simple, button-mashy...and a little unresponsive at times. Characters have comparatively less moves at their disposal than your average, modern-day fighter, with a few of the warriors playing a bit too similarly for my taste. Random dismemberment and instant-kill blows help keep the otherwise by-the-books action interesting, though. And while I'm not a pro-level player in any fighting game, I wouldn't be surprised to hear about the Evo-attending crowd discovering some hidden layer of depth to Deadliest Warrior. Sluggish controls and framerate issues be damned, those guys will fetishize just about anything with a life bar and a combo system.